36! My heart is overflowing with gratitude for the lovely birthday wishes I’ve received on my 36th trip around the sun. Thank you sooo much. Sending Love and Light to all, I am grateful for each and every one of you that has come into my life. Birthdays always make me reflect and 36 has brought much reflection.

4 Days before Skyler was born (no I’m not currently pregnant)

These last few years entering motherhood has stretched me in ways I didn’t know I could. My body functioning within its natural capacity, yet feeling superhuman…and yet not! (It’s amazing, and crazy, and amazing)  Growing a human and raising a child changes you, I was stretched beyond what I thought possible.

My greatest challenge and source of growth is an adorable blonde haired blue eyed ball of joy; Who is growing into an amazing person right in front of my eyes. There is nothing I am prouder of than being his mother…and having kept him alive… an adventurous spirit and all the hard surfaces in Costa Rica….wheewwhh, kept me busy! (there’s no carpeting in Costa Rica) Balancing building a business helping people in their bodies, shortly after moving to another country and living in a new tropical environment. It’s been an adventure for sure…And I’m so glad we took this risk.

As my child is becoming more independent. I am reminded that I need to continue to rediscover and recreate the woman that I am, in addition to the mother that I am.

I was recently introduced to someone that I believed was 15 – 20 years younger than they actually were. I assumed we were around the same age, and they were just in much better shape than I…  This was a wake-up call to me.

There is this belief more so for women than men. That after 34 years we start drying up and we need to get everything done before this… career, marriage, family EVERYTHING, because after 34… What do you have left to do?

The night before my 36th birthday I saw a video (Adams Ruins Pregnancy) where he sheds light on this misconception we have about women’s biological clocks.  It’s worth watching! The actual decrease in fertility and increase in birth defects is very minimal, yet we drive fear into women about the dangers of having kids and getting pregnant after 35. Quoting studies from the 1600’s…yes, you read that right.

Women are charged more for ‘high risk’ pregnancies, solely due to their age. Women are encouraged to freeze their eggs to avoid an exaggerated fate of infertility and at risk eggs, while the success rate of frozen eggs and use of frozen eggs is quite low.  If you follow the $$$ everything becomes a little clearer.  Let’s take the fear out of being a woman.. from periods, fertility and pregnancy.

We are a natural miracle, not a medical complication. Knowing that I don’t expire after 35 is a welcomed relief. Since I’m not throwing in the towel just yet, I’ve decided I don’t I don’t want to rot as I age.  I want to be an example to my son in every way.

Four months ago I attempted to take a workshop in aerial silks (think circus performers and long sheets of fabric). I love heights, to me, this sounded like the cooolest thing ever, and it was coming to my little town.  Yipppee!

Watching the instructor Amanda she looked so graceful and elegant as she glided into poses, her moves were breathtaking, she made it look effortless. I was so eager to try. I hadn’t started on any kind of exercise routine since my son was born, but this looked like something super fun.

My enthusiasm quickly faded when I realized after the warmup workout, how out of touch I’d become with my body. Things that used to come easily didn’t work the same way post-motherhood. I couldn’t isolate my core muscles to save my life.  I was worn out after the workout and a day of massages, yet still excited to do cool moves on these silks.  I attempted the first steps, climbing the silks, this is what I needed to master to do any of the following moves… I could not do it.  Amanda was wonderful and patient, and showed me exercises to practice…and it was definitely me that couldn’t cut it.

The lack of control I had over my body devastated me.  My lack of core strength was so obvious. When trying to climb the silks they had so much stretch and give, it was much more challenging than I’d expected. My heart sunk. Next, I tried the hoop. A metal hula hoop in the air, thankfully I was able to get myself up into the hoop and do several moves. I was able to leverage my strength differently since the hoop didn’t flex when I grabbed ahold of it.  This helped me feel a little better for the remainder of the workshop…however I was still quite frustrated with myself. A three-day workshop and I was unable to climb the silks the entire time, and my body was so tired from trying.

I was not as gentle with myself as I may have been with someone else.  The level at which I sucked at climbing silks, was tough to stomach.  Where I might have told someone else to honor the role she had played as mother and life-giver, saying she can’t expect her body to bounce back if she has ignored self-care over the years.  And that she deserved to love herself and commit to honoring her body with self-care and her children would benefit greatly from this commitment to herself… This sounds like something I can hear myself saying to another mom… but with myself, I felt frustration.  From how disconnected I’d become to my core.

Over the next few months. I tried to increase my awareness of my core, isolating muscles, stretching…nothing too intense, just trying to increase my own bodies ability to activate these long ignored and probably atrophied muscles.

Well, cue my 36th birthday… I’m still in shock that I’m really (that old).  I keep thinking I’ve got the math wrong. Wishing I could turn back time just a little. I wasn’t ready to be this old… My birthday comes and right outside my front door is a  woman set up with silks. Immediately I’m not as enthusiastic as I wish I was.  I think this will be beautiful to watch and oh so lovely with the ocean as the backdrop…but that’s where it ends. This lovely woman, Inara from Argentina and I start talking. She invites me to a workshop. I say I’d like to watch, but ‘I just don’t have the strength it takes to do this’.  My strength for massage is the opposing direction and I use my body weight.  She asks me if I want to try.  My initial thought is, ‘I can’t do this, why even try?’. But I push it aside, step up to the silks and to my surprise…

I climb to the top. Looking out over the ocean wrapped around these silks that once seemed completely insurmountable.

She asks if I want to do more.  ‘No, I’m good’. I’ll try more at the workshop.

What a great birthday gift.  To accomplish something I thought was beyond my ability.

The following day I attended the workshop.  Again, I was able to climb the silks yeah!  We immediately move to the next challenge which involves needing to be able to jump and kick my legs over my head to swing into the silks tied like a swing.  My first time…I fail miserably…again it’s harder than I expected. I try again, and again, and again and again (Inara is incredibly patient and encouraging)…until finally, I do it.  I wanted to give up at least a dozen times… But I got better each time, even though my muscles were tired, I pushed myself and improved.  If we are willing to work for it, anything is possible.  Next Workshop is this Friday 9:30 – 11:30

The first step is believing in ourselves and then prioritizing ourselves and then comes the hard work.  The payoff is an investment in ourselves, our future and the return is huge.

I am committed to myself and my health.

With you as my witness. I’ll be starting a cleanse tomorrow. Thursday.

First a day of only Coconut water (agua de pipa) then a juice/smoothie cleanse 5 per day. Followed by raw healthful foods to transition back to a balanced diet (I hate that word).

Followed by raw healthful foods to transition back to a balanced diet (I dislike that word, greatly). .

Now is the time to commit to your health.  Who wants to commit with me to a more healthful lifestyle?

I’ll be sharing my experiences as I go, with some live video and first-hand experience of what it’s like on a cleanse. There may even be photographic evidence…even though I don’t love that sort of thing.  My lack of selfie enthusiasm is another blog for another day and something else I’ll be working on learning to love and accept my own image on camera and film.

Bob Dylan said ‘She not busy being born is busy dying’….well, not me!  Till next time.
Pura Vida!